Playing Mind Games Leaves Me Drained.

So I'm finally into the fullswing of being an offical college student, though I can't say that I'm holding too tightly to the ranking here. Technically, I should be a freshman and I guess in all respects I am, but this world is just so much different. It's absolutely nothing like high school.

The freedom is pretty much overwhelming at first.

For instance, if you don't go to class there is no call home to your parents. If you decided that halfway through the class that you're bored, you can leave and no one will stop you. There are no calls up to the office, nothing. They don't care, which completely fucking rocks.

But then the reality of the whole thing settles on you and you realize, "Oh yeah, I'm paying for every minute of this."

That's when you stop enjoying the non-caring demeanor of the professors. That's when you realize that no one's gonna help you through this. You are out there on your own. Completely.

It's also when you realize that people are dumb as hell. I kid you not, I walked into college expecting to be the little kid in the corner crying because I don't understand what's going on. I expected everyone to be magically intelligent.

Boy, I couldn't have been further away from the actuality of it all.

They aren't smart. Most of them are like one level above grade school intelligence. And this is the part where my mom starts prattling on about how I should have gone to a university.

Thank you, mom. I had no idea.

And who was gonna pay the tuition bills?

Certainly it wasn't going to be me and my mother can't even pay her own bills, so that statement about university was an outright joke.

So, all things aside, I'm doing well in college. Still slacking and procrastinating, but I can see that all coming to an abrupt halt in the near future.

Things in other aspects of my life have all been snowballing into one huge clusterfuck. I have no trouble admitting that, whatsoever.

I'm not making enough to survive off of at work. Hell, I can't even make my portion of the bills any more, yet I mysteriously find ways to spend money on my best friend... oh right. I should have expected that to happen though, I mean my income wasn't enough to survive off of when I was working practically all the time. Now I work twice and week, for four hours. Yeah, its that pathetic.

Terry lost more of our new girls, so now its Kaila, Elaine, and myself. Three waitresses for the whole damn resturant. So he had me pulling doubles on the weekends. I was making a little more money that way.

Kat and her friend from Gumdo, Chris, are dating which I had a sneaking suspicion would happen. It also happened to spark this insane jealousy inside me so now every time you turn around I can't keep myself from thinking "Would she stop talking about him?? Especially when she knows what's going on with me." But that's the selfish section of my brain that I attempt to always push into a deep corner.

I am happy for her, really. I'm just sad that I can't have her luck. Which is another dumb thing to say.

Speaking of dumb things. Cheating. One of my friends came to me last night worried about whether or not her boyfriend was cheating on her with this girl I used to talk to alot. She asked me if, since I knew the girl I could find out for sure because she had asked all of the friends she knew that knew her boyfriend and they all denied it, but they were his friends too. Well, technically they aren't dating either, but they have some like... promise thing... going on or whatever. I told her I would do it, just because if there is cheating going on and I can find out then I'd do that for her. Suspecting something like that can drive someone insane.

I really don't want to talk to the girl though. She's bad news. She's been in nothing but trouble since after she turned 18. And I mean trouble in the way that can't even be considered minor or like a phase. I mean like the kind that are invovled with gangs and drugs and that sort of dumb bullshit.

But I said I would do it, so I'll do it. But I don't intend on talking to this girl after I found out the truth. She's ruined her life and there is no way I want her in mine with the things that she's done.

I don't think the guy is really cheating though. He's too good of a person to do that, but then again, the girl said that he has before, so there is reason for her to worry. If it was me, I won't take him back after the first time, but I guess it's different for everyone.