Curveball

Just when I get used to the way my world is on one hand I get thrown a curveball. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. Not totally at least.

I went to my "One-Stop Session" and did the placement test, got my photo id, and turned in my financial aid forms. That all took place last Wednesday. I'm taking three classes, which is one class short of fulltime. I'm excited and a little scared (Ok, a lot of scared). I've never experienced a college level class and I'm wondering if I can keep up.

On Monday Hope, Kat, and I went to get books for classes, but to make a long story short we accomplished absolutely nothing at the college. Well, actually, that's a lie. Hope got her library/id card, so it was a lost cause. Plus we went to a chinese resturant and had a blast. In the long run it worked out nicely. Minus all three of us getting sick afterwards.

I think the asians poisoned us.

Today I went back to the college to check on my finanical aid and it had gone through. I was awarded 1,568 dollars which was ssooo awesome because it covered my tuition and my books with money to spare.

My schedule is about to become very full. I have taekwondo on Mondays, college on Tuesday, work and taekwondo on Wednesday, school on thursday, and work on friday. I'm on call for weekend shifts and a rotational Sunday schedule.

So, it could be a lot more full. I have Monday mornings free, tuesday and thursday nights free, friday night and most of my weekends.

Restarting Week- Not a great outlook

Today was an annoyingly productive day and yet I still didn't complete everything I set out to do, but still annoyingly productive all the same.

I got my oil changed... FINALLY. Which my poor car desperately needed. It was crying in the form of check engine lights. The poor automachanics didn't know that I had a crack in my windshield wiper fuild tank and went to top it off. It didn't end well for the guy underneth my car. He was drenched. It was funny.

I went to pick up my transcript, but I got there too late. I was so agitated about that. If the place I had went to hadn't been so busy I would have been ok, but the car place was busy and they did stuff to my transmission which took even more time.

So I basically went to the high school for no good reason. I did see Alex there though. Which was cool. I forgot he hadn't seen my haircut. It took him a second to realize it was me.

Then taekwondo which was a waste of my life today. I don't know, we just didn't do a whole lot other than jump over things do a couple kicks and Kat and I goofed off to the point where Master Choi was about to murder us. We kept talking, which I didn't even realize I was doing. Its just kind of second nature to me.

My friend brought his best friend to class which was an interesting experience to say the least. I don't think his friend liked me much, though, to be honest. It was like I annoyed him. Wow. That word is so spelled wrong, but whatever.

Yeah, so I kept trying to joke with him and what not... but I think I failed at first impressions with him. It was same with this kid's girlfriend. Maybe I'm just having an epic fail fest or something. I just feel off around new people recently. That's strange for me... usually I'm ok with new people, but I don't know. I just feel so... silly anymore.

Either way, this class was hardly worth it for me and highly disappointing.

College

There were things I used to do a lot more of when I was in high school. One of those things was write poetry. Granted, I knew then that my destiny was never to become a poet, it was still better than now. Now I sit down to write a poem and either blank out, write about lost love or how many things have gone wrong in my world, or have absolutely no idea what the hell I'm talking about by the end of it.

Either way I can't seem to even semi-like the stuff I come up with now. That is why the other blog I have has remained dormant since sometime in 2007. Yuck. That needs to change. I need intelligent, witty inspiration to egg me on to write wonderfully amazing stuff. Or, well, I'll settle for half-way decent stuff at least.

But enough about that.

I've realized that life is never going to fully agree with me. Surprizingly I find myself being more and more ok with this. The world would be very dull if I got what I wanted. In a masocistic sort of way I love that I can't have what I want. I hate it. But I love it.

Yeah, it doesn't make sense. It isn't supposed to.

I'm quite unhappy with certain people though. They need to stop playing games. They have what they need in life, now leave me out of it. I'm tired of these supposed good people that always seem to want my attention. Am I the only one that sees where it's going?

I'm a trophy, apparently. At least it's how I'm always treated. Something to be won. Be grateful, for what? Air-head morons fighting to see who can get closest to me? Right.

It's like the male species can't remain indifferent. The majority hate the sight of me and those that don't are working hard to get into my pants. The only indifferent men I have in my life are related to me. It's alarming and annoying. I'm treated like dirt on one hand and then slobbered on in the other.

Listen to me. I'm complaining again... it's sad that I can't talk without complaining. I should amend that.

Tomorrow is Taekwondo. I'm not sure if I should be thrilled or dreading it. An equal mixture of both would work, I suppose. I also have to call my old high school tomorrow and ask about getting my transcript sent to Harford Community. I dread that. The secretaries at that school are the most vile human beings in existence. They are so mean for absolutely no reason other than the fact that they are miserable so others should be too.

I filled out my FASFA forms tonight and sent in a request for an 'One Stop' Session at the college. I hope the session is still available. If not, I might be in trouble because it is the last one before the start of the Spring Semester.

It's too late to worry now, either way.

Nineteen

My nineteenth birthday went down in not exactly the same fashion that I was used to. For example, my eighteenth birthday I spent the day pretending to be sick because I had absolutely no reason to be at school that day. It was a Tuesday, I only know that because this year it fell on a Wednesday.

The only thing I remember about my eighteenth birthday was that I took a shower and while I was washing away thoughts that had been weighing too heavily on my mind, I heard the door open. Mom was somewhere, at the office working on taxes if I remember right, so I knew it wasn't her. Normal people would freak. I didn't. Probably because I had heard the voice that had called into the seemingly empty house.

It had been Kat. She had come to my house. I had no idea what for because at the time she and I were having problems. (Thanks to the lies of an idiotic trouble starting teenage girl) When I got out of the shower I found the envolope she had left for me. A birthday present of sorts.

She had wrote me a nostalgic letter about days past and given me little gifts, wishing me the best on my birthday. I cried. I think I called her to thank her, if I remember right. Her voice was dead when she answered the phone and I knew that, presents aside, things were still the same. I promptly returned to moping.

My family, unhelpfully, threw a small party. I don't remember much of that either, I tend to block out painful memories.

That's besides the point. I spent all year with the idea in my head that I would just let my nineteenth birthday slip by unnoticed. Of course, things never seem to work out in quite the way I plan them. Instead, people I hadn't talked to in decades and those who have only known me for months ended up wishing me a happy birthday.

All thanks to a certain someone. Krista.

I have to admit, note grudgingly so, that it was sweet of her. She even made me a cake with all the things she knows that I like. I'm not entirely sure as to why she felt the need to make such a fuss over it, other than the fact that I was dreading it.

The complete and utter ridiculousness of my mind

I'm not sure what this blog post had been in its prior life, but I know that I changed it.

Why?

Because it, like some many of my journal entries, annoyed the living hell out of me. This one probably will in the near future too. I just find myself annoying sometimes. That's when I do silly things, like annihilate prior existing evidence of my annoying moments.

It's true.

In like a week I'll think that this post is inadequate and then try to replace it too. That's just the way my mind works. Maybe I'm expecting too much out of myself...? Nah. Impossible.

Either way, this is (more than likely) a vast improvement to its predecessor.
Only because I say so.

I used to imagine life after school. It would be glorious and involve being fun and happy all the time. Unfortunately the reality isn’t quite as spectacular as I liked to imagine. Especially when things like work get in the way of life. But work equals money and money equals fun. Or the bills getting paid which is always good too. Needless to say, it wasn’t really what I was expecting.

I can’t say I’m disappointed cuz, in all truth, I’m not. I wish something had worked out a little different, but other than that... it’s been alright. I’ve had some of the best times of my life since I graduated.

I started Taekwondo in September and after the initial shock and dread, I got obsessed with it. I love it so much which is odd for me. You would think you wouldn’t get attached to something that causes you pain. Then again we always knew I was a masochist.

Not to mention the pretty amazing people I’ve met since I joined. Like Krista always says, all the people in martial arts are good people. Even if they seem like they’re not.

I won NaNoWriMo this year and it’s strange, I got so disappointed when I fell short last year... then I won this year and was like ‘oh.’ Very strange. BUT that’s ok, I’m excited to do it again next year. I love being able to flush out plots that would otherwise get lost and forgotten. It gets me closer to the ultimate goal of becoming a writer. Now, if I could only get my ADD self to sit down and edit the novels I have written.